What to Do If You Suspect Someone Has an Eating Disorder

A Compassionate Guide for Friends, Family, and Loved Ones

Eating disorders are often silent struggles — masked behind smiles, "healthy" habits, or weight loss compliments. Whether you're a friend, sibling, partner, or parent, suspecting someone you care about is facing an eating disorder can be overwhelming. What do you say? How do you help without making things worse?

The truth is, your care can make a difference — but how you show it matters deeply.

Here’s a practical, compassionate guide to help you navigate this sensitive situation.

Recognize the Signs (But Don’t Diagnose)

Eating disorders can affect people of any age, gender, or body type — and they’re not always physically visible. The most common types include anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, binge eating disorder, and OSFED (Other Specified Feeding or Eating Disorders).

Common signs to look for:

• Drastic or unexplained weight changes

• Obsessive focus on food, calories, or exercise

• Avoiding meals or eating in isolation

• Ritualistic behaviors around food (cutting food into tiny pieces, eating super slowly, etc.)

• Emotional shifts: irritability, shame, anxiety, or withdrawal

• Constant negative body talk or perfectionism

  
  

Seeing one or two signs doesn’t necessarily mean someone has an eating disorder. But if you notice a pattern that concerns you, it’s worth paying attention to.

Check Your Intentions First

Before approaching the person, ask yourself:

• Am I acting from a place of concern, not control?

• Can I be supportive, even if they push back?

• Am I ready to listen more than talk?

This isn’t about being the hero — it’s about showing up with compassion, without judgment or pressure.

How to Start the Conversation

This is the part most people fear — and for good reason. But silence can do more harm than good. Eating disorders thrive in secrecy, and one open, loving conversation can plant a powerful seed of awareness and hope.

Tips for talking:

• Choose the right time and place. A private, calm setting is best.

• Use “I” statements. Focus on what you’ve observed and how you feel.

  → “I’ve noticed you’ve been really tired lately and skipping meals — I’m worried about you.”

• Avoid labels or diagnoses.

  → Don’t say: “You have an eating disorder,” or “You’re anorexic.”

  → Do say: “It seems like you might be struggling with food or your body image.”

• Stay calm if they react emotionally or deny it. That’s common. Your job isn’t to convince — it’s to care.

  
  

Offer Support (Not Solutions)

You might want to jump into fix-it mode — but healing is a personal journey that often needs professional help.

Instead of:

• “You just need to eat more.”

• “But you look fine!”

• “Stop worrying so much.”

Try:

• “I’m here for you — no matter what.”

• “You don’t have to go through this alone.”

• “Would you be open to talking to someone about this? I can help you find support.”

  
  

If they’re open, offer to help them make a therapy appointment or find a resource. If they’re not, don’t push — let them know you’ll be there when they are ready.

Know When to Involve Others

If the person is in danger — for example, they’re severely underweight, fainting, or showing signs of serious mental health distress — it’s time to involve a trusted adult, doctor, counselor, or mental health professional. This isn’t betrayal — it’s protection.

If you're a teen, tell a parent, teacher, or school counselor. If you're an adult and it’s your child, seek professional guidance right away.

Take Care of Yourself, Too

Supporting someone with an eating disorder can be emotionally draining, confusing, and even scary. Set healthy boundaries. Talk to someone you trust. Consider seeing a therapist yourself.

You can’t pour from an empty cup — and your well-being matters, too.

Final Thoughts: You’re Not Alone, and Neither Are They

Approaching someone you care about who may be struggling with an eating disorder is never easy. But your concern — when expressed with empathy — can be the first step toward their recovery.

Remember:

• You don’t have to be perfect — just present.

• You’re not their therapist — you’re their support system.

• You’re not alone — help is out there for both of you.

  
  

If someone you love is struggling, don’t wait for things to get “bad enough.” Trust your instincts, lead with care, and take the first step. We are here.