Holding Space for Grief During the Holidays

For many people, the holidays are portrayed as a time of warmth, connection, and celebration.

Grief During the Holidays

Yet for those who are grieving, this season can feel especially heavy. The contrast between cultural expectations of joy and the inner reality of loss often intensifies emotional pain. As a psychotherapist, I want to name this experience clearly and compassionately: if the holidays are hard for you because of grief, you are not broken, ungrateful, or doing it wrong. You are human.

Why Grief Can Feel Stronger During the Holidays

Grief does not follow a calendar, but the holidays can amplify it. Traditions, rituals, smells, music, and gatherings may highlight the absence of someone who once played a central role in your life. Even anticipated losses—such as changes in health, relationships, or family structure—can resurface during this time.

Many people report that grief around the holidays feels different: sharper, more visible, and harder to ignore. The pressure to “be okay” or “keep things normal” can add another layer of distress, leading people to hide their pain or feel isolated even when surrounded by others.

Grieving a Loss During the Holiday Season

Common Symptoms of Holiday-Related Grief

Grief can show up in many ways, and there is no single “right” way to experience it. You may notice:

• Waves of sadness, longing, or tearfulness that feel unpredictable

• Increased irritability, anxiety, or emotional numbness

  
  

• Fatigue or low motivation, even around activities you usually enjoy

• Changes in sleep, appetite, or concentration

• A sense of disconnection from others or from the holiday itself

• Guilt—about feeling sad, about moments of joy, or about how you are grieving

These responses are not signs of weakness. They are natural nervous system and emotional responses to loss.

Gentle Ways to Cope During the Holidays

Coping with grief does not mean eliminating pain; it means learning how to carry it with care. The following suggestions are not prescriptions, but invitations. Take what resonates and leave the rest.

1. Adjust Expectations - Give yourself permission to do the holidays differently this year. You may not have the same energy, enthusiasm, or capacity—and that’s okay. Scaling back plans, shortening visits, or skipping certain traditions can be acts of self-respect, not failure.

2. Make Space for the Loss - Avoiding grief often makes it louder. Some people find comfort in intentionally honoring the person or loss—lighting a candle, setting aside a quiet moment, sharing a memory, or engaging in a ritual that feels meaningful. Grief deserves acknowledgment.

3. Set Boundaries Without Over-Explaining - You are allowed to say no. You are also allowed to say yes and change your mind later. Simple statements like, “This year is hard for me, and I’m taking it day by day,” can protect your emotional energy without requiring justification.

4. Stay Connected in Ways That Feel Safe - Isolation can deepen grief, but connection doesn’t have to mean large gatherings or forced cheer. One trusted person, a short walk with a friend, or even online support can provide grounding. Let others show up for you in manageable ways.

5. Care for Your Body as Part of Emotional Care - Grief lives in the body. Gentle movement, regular meals, hydration, rest, and moments of sensory comfort (warm drinks, soft textures, calming music) can help regulate your nervous system when emotions feel overwhelming.

6. Allow Mixed Emotions - You may experience moments of laughter, gratitude, or peace—and then feel guilt for them. Joy and grief are not opposites; they can coexist. Feeling a small moment of light does not diminish the significance of your loss.

When Additional Support May Help

If grief feels unrelenting, is significantly interfering with daily functioning, or is accompanied by hopelessness or thoughts of wanting to escape life, reaching out for professional support is an important step. Therapy can offer a space where your grief is not rushed, minimized, or “fixed,” but understood and held with care.

If you are grieving this holiday season, know that you are not alone—even if it feels that way. Your grief is a reflection of love, attachment, and meaning. There is no timeline you must follow and no correct way to move through this season.

Be gentle with yourself. This year may be about surviving, not celebrating. And that, too, is enough.